When I arrived on the front lawn of the school, I learned that the parents decided on four games: water balloon toss, potato sack race, three-legged race, and a cracker challenge. The children would file out to the front lawn to eat their lunch on a blanket and then the four classes would rotate to each game station. I was looking forward to my “fill-in” helper-mom duties all week. I truly believe that children are the closest beings to God and spending time with them always teaches me invaluable life lessons. These are the lessons I learned from Tim and his classmates:

1) Share. Tim laid out his blanket and we plopped down. He happily began munching away at his lunch. When he noticed I didn’t have anything to eat (I wasn’t hungry), he kindly offered to share his graham crackers with me. Those were the most delicious graham crackers I’ve ever eaten.

2) Don’t let others eat alone. When Tim noticed one boy eating alone, he called out to him and invited the boy to come sit with us. The little boy smiled huge and hurried over. Like me, Tim believes the more, the merrier.

3) Boys will be boys. Since I was sitting with a group of boys, my ears were serenaded with what the boys called the “Royal Belch” and the “Royal Burp.” When I asked the difference, I was informed that the Royal Belch lasts longer than Royal Burp. (Thank you, your majesty.) I heard one girl complain to her mother that the boys were loud. Her mother just shrugged and told her that’s what boys do. So I guess it’s true at every age.

4) Skin color makes no difference.  As I looked around at all the children eating, I noticed the groups were wonderfully mixed. At that age, skin color doesn’t matter when you’re picking friends.

5) Pay attention. Our first game was the water balloon toss. The kids stood across from each other tossing a water balloon back and forth. With each toss, they moved further apart. The last pair with their balloon in tack, won. After the game was over, I asked Tim what he learned. He told me that in order to win, you have to pay attention to when it’s time to throw the balloon and pay attention to your partner.

6) Take your time.  Our second game was the sack race. The kids climb into a potato sack and race each other to the finish line. Tim fell a couple of times at the beginning but got the hang of it eventually. After the race was over, he told me he learned that he needed to take his time because slow and steady wins the race.

7) Work with your partner. Our third game was the three-legged race. Each kid’s leg is tied to their partner’s leg and then all the pairs race to the finish line. Tim and his partner won both races. Tim told me he learned he could go faster if he worked together with his partner.

8) Keep it simple. Our last game was the cracker challenge. Each child sits in a chair with his/her head tilted back. A cracker is placed on each forehead and the child has to try to get the cracker into his/her mouth without touching it. All of Tim’s crackers fell on the ground. On the last round, he just stood up and ate the cracker. When I asked what he learned, he told me “Crackers are delicious.” I pressed him for a deeper, more profound take away like the other lessons he learned from the first three games. He shook his head and said, “Auntie Deanna, this one’s pretty simple. Crackers are delicious.” I looked around at the simple, inexpensive games we had played and thoroughly enjoyed for the last hour. Between the balloons, potato sacks, cloth ties, and crackers, the props to entertain the entire second grade couldn’t have cost more than $25. We didn’t need fancy lights, electronics, or gadgets. We had our imagination, outdoors, and each other. I hugged Tim and said, “You are so right. Crackers are delicious.”

9) We can learn a lot from our children. All afternoon, Tim and his classmates ran around playing and laughing. It was the sound of pure, unadulterated joy. I had so much fun being around them. It dawned on me that at that moment, I was the luckiest person in the world to be spending my Wednesday afternoon laughing with my godson and his classmates. And looking at this list of everything they taught me today, I’ve decided I’m probably not smarter than a second-grader and I’m perfectly okay with that.

How do you know if a man is into you? Because he will tell you AND he will show you. He will not send you mixed signals. It’s true that actions speak louder than words but you will know a man is serious about being with you when both his words and actions are in alignment. Again, I ask you to open your copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” to the table of contents. If a man is into you, he’ll be the opposite of the points listed on that page and I’m going to include some of my own observations.

If a man is into you, he will:

-Ask you out and date you consistently.

-Call you regularly.

-Make you feel good about yourself by complimenting you and making you feel desirable.

-Want to have sex with you.

-Patiently and respectfully wait until you are ready to have sex with him.

-If you agree you’re in a monogamous relationship, he won’t have sex with someone else.

-Introduce you to his friends and family at special occasions. (Don’t be fooled if you casually run into his mother or if you’re the best choice for a couples movie night with his frat brothers because sometimes that doesn’t count; if he takes you to the big family Christmas dinner or out-of-town family reunion, then you know you’re special.)

-Support and help you. (For example, you’re hosting an event and he not only comes, but calls beforehand to see if you need him to pick up any last-minute odds and ends.)

-Put up with your bullshit. (We all have something neurotic or annoying about us. He accepts your quirk(s) and still loves you just the way you are. Hell, he even thinks it’s cute.)

-Commit to you and a long-term relationship. (Preferably, he will initiate conversations about the status of your relationship. He won’t want you seeing anyone else and he will make it clear that he isn’t either.)

-Talk about your future together AND make plans with you. (Again, his words and actions must being in alignment. Just talking about future plans isn’t enough. He must talk about your future AND make plans.)

-Have a consistent presence in your life.

-Compromise to make the relationship work.

-Want to make and keep you happy. (He accomplishes this by checking on you and being concerned about your well-being.)

-Mirror your communication. (When you call and leave him a voicemail, he will call you back. He won’t just text you.)

-Invest in you. (He will talk to you, listen to you, and spend time with you.)

-Incorporate you into his life. (For example, he lets you leave stuff at his place and posts pictures of you on his social network page.)

-Share with you. (Sharing can be physical like he lets you drive his car or it can be emotional like he opens up about his vulnerabilities.)

-Make you feel emotionally safe and secure.

Bottom line is when a man is into you, he treats you and your happiness like top priorities in his life. You don’t wonder where you stand in the relationship. He doesn’t say one thing and then do something else. You don’t have to guess about what’s going on with the two of you. When you’re together, you feel comfortable and at home. And that’s the kind of man every woman deserves to have.

1) Mary and Alan are on-again, off-again lovers. She really likes him and is hoping he’ll become her boyfriend.

2) She lives on the north side and he lives on the south side. She doesn’t have a car. She always takes the train to go see him; usually at night when he calls. He has a car, but never offers to pick her up or stay at her place. He does drop her off at home in the morning because his job is near where she lives.

3) A month ago he got upset with her because she didn’t call him back the same day. The next time they had sex, he banged the snot out of her and she couldn’t walk straight for four days. She doesn’t enjoy rough sex. He said he did it because he was staking his claim on her ve-jay.

4) The last time she was supposed to stay at his place, he told her to come at 9pm. She got there early at 8pm and called him from the lobby. He said he was still downtown doing whatever. He was mad that she arrived at his place early. She said she would just wait in the lobby. He hung up on her. She waited until 10pm and then took the train back home. He never showed up or answered any of her phone calls or text messages.

5) He just called her today (a week after point #4 occurred) acting like nothing happened. He didn’t bring it up and definitely did not apologize. He wants her to come over tonight. Mary really likes Alan. He’s such a nice guy; when he’s around.

Mary was asking her girlfriend what should she do. They got off the train before I could hear the girlfriend’s answer but I hope she said to her the two phrases that kept playing in my head…“He’s Just Not That Into You” and “Run!!!”

Ladies, there is nothing wrong with a booty call or a sex-only romp, if that’s what you want. But you can’t turn a booty call into a romantic relationship…It doesn’t work. Only in Hollywood movies does this black magic occur. Not in real life.

Listen and read very closely. If a man doesn’t care about your safety and well-being (read Mary and Alan’s relationship points #2, 3, and 4), he physically harms you (point #3), he disappears on you (point #4), he only calls you when he wants to have sex (point #2 and 5), then he’s just not that into you. And if he’s great in bed and you like to bone him with no expectations or strings attached, get ready to rumble. But if you’ve caught feeling for him and it’s clear he doesn’t give a crap if some crack head stabs you trying to steal your purse while you walk back home because he’s stood you up, then you need to leave this guy alone. RUN! Don’t answer his phone calls. Don’t have anything to do with him. He is not boyfriend material. He is the devil and correspondence with him is the gateway to hell. He’ll make you miserable and pathetic.

We’ve all had one or more. I know I have. My experience has taught me that I don’t like to get involved with men who are just not that into me. That episode from the TV series “Sex and the City” and the book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo should be required viewing and reading for every woman. It’s a simple concept, but sometimes we just don’t get it. Or we don’t want to get it. Or we need to be reminded.

So here’s a quick recap of the table of contents from “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Think about the guy you are (or think you are) “dating” now. He’s Just Not That Into You If:

-He’s not asking you out

-He’s not calling you

-He’s not dating you

-He’s not having sex with you

-He’s having sex with someone else

-He only wants to see you when he’s drunk

-He doesn’t want to marry you

-He’s breaking up with you

-He’s disappeared on you

-He’s married (or other insane variations of being unavailable)

-He’s a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak

Ladies, you are too wonderful and special to settle for some jerk who treats you like crap. If you want a boyfriend, stop messing around with men who are just not that into you…NOW. And if you have one like that around…RUN!

1) Hold eye contact.

Prolonged eye contact between two people expresses intense emotion; either love or hostility. Ladies, if you see a man across the room and want to let him know you’re interested, catch his eye two or three times and hold contact for around three seconds. If you stare too long, you run the risk of crossing into the creepy territory. The appropriate stare technique will encourage the desire of your heart to cross the room and engage you. And if you’re with a current love interest, holding a sexy stare will let him know you still like what you see.

2) Smile.

The ultimate goal of flirting is to encourage engagement. Nothing communicates a green light to engage like a full, open-lipped smile. And as the interaction progresses, use a sensual pout to keep your heart’s desire interested.

3) Create a rhythm.

Great flirting is a dance of timing and pacing. Ladies, create a rhythm that is sensual by twirling a lock of hair, alternating the cadence in your conversation, or playing with charm on your necklace. Gentlemen can twirl the straw in their glass, twist the cufflink on your sleeve, or melodically tap your foot against the table. You aren’t creating an annoying distraction. You’re creating comforting tempo for your dance.

4) Move in.

If your flirting is going well, the object of your affection will gradually welcome you into her personal space. As you ask engaging questions and listen attentively to the answers, move in a little closer, touch her lightly on the arm, or tuck a stray hair behind her ear. Watch carefully for the red light/green light signs. If you lean in and she smiles at your proximity or mirrors your posture, green light means all systems go. If she shifts uncomfortable in her seat or jerks away from your closeness, pull back.

5) Close the deal.

A little over a month ago, I left my corporate job to pursue my dream of being a full-time writer and to have time to market my novel, Single Girl Summer. So far, it’s been an amazing experience and more than I hoped it would be. I quickly learned that I have to set daily and weekly goals, keep myself on a strict schedule, and diligently work different angles to figure out ways to make money.

One angle that has helped me a great deal is strategic networking with other entrepreneurs. Last week, I was invited to a reception to preview the upcoming Black Enterprise Entrepreneurs Conference and Expo that will be in Chicago May 23-26. I was invited by Cameka Smith who founded the BOSS Network. BOSS stand for “Bringing Out Successful Sisters” and their mission is to promote and encourage the small business spirit and career development of women. In the year that I’ve know her, Cameka has been very supportive. Every time I attend one of her BOSS events, I’m so impressed by the strength of her network. I finally joined BOSS last month and it’s opened me to a whole world of impressive women that are eager to help each other succeed.

Many women from the BOSS network were at the event with me last week and they spoke passionately on how great the conference is every year and how the networking done there has propelled their business forward. Before that night, I hadn’t signed up for the conference because I wasn’t ready to commit to the hefty price tag. But after the ladies of BOSS finished telling their first-hand experiences and successes, I signed up on the spot. I knew I couldn’t afford NOT to be there.

If you have a small business and a large entrepreneurial spirit, I strongly encourage you to visit the website for all the details. There is also a teen entrepreneurship component and if you have children aged 13-17, it’s your duty as a parent to expose them to the idea that they can be their own boss and create their own business. I wish I hadn’t waited until my mid-30’s to find and pursue my passion, but I thank God that I finally got here because I wouldn’t have it any other way. I hope to you see you at the conference.

Black Enterprise Entrepreneurs Conference and Expo Details:
May 23-26, Hilton Chicago in Chicago, Illinois
Small business, big business, it’s ALL business.
Join 1,500 entrepreneurs, corporate executives, and professionals.
http://www.blackenterprise.com/events/entrepreneurs-conference/

Until April 23rd, use the code BSSNTW for a registration discount. (Thanks Cameka for this hook up.)

Below are some full circle tips from Alfred Edmond Jr. at Black Enterprise for all business owners who understand the Law of Attraction. If you want to be prosperous and maintain prosperity, then make it a point to do the following:

1) Spend money with other entrepreneurs in your network. Don’t expect them to provide you with free products and services. Purchase products from them because every business needs sales growth and profits to thrive.

2) If you are connected on social media networks, endorse their products and services and post recommendations to their profile. Send them customers every chance you get with positive word of mouth and virtual mentions.

3) When you come across a business opportunity that isn’t right for you or you can’t get, pass it onto someone in your network. The next best thing to you getting the business is someone you know getting it – and having you to thank for it.

4) If you discover that a large corporation or government is looking to expand its pool of minority vendors, don’t keep the information to yourself. Share with others so your fellow vendors and aspiring suppliers look to you as a source for valuable information and support.

5) Be a resource and provide support for younger entrepreneurs. Help them to make the connections and find the customers they’ll need to thrive.

6) Instead of tossing out business cards that seem to have no value to you, pass them onto others who could benefit from those contacts.

7) Don’t just network for yourself. Play matchmaker and connect people who can help each other.

At long last, FELA! has arrived at Chicago’s magnificent Oriental Theatre. The local black and fabulous were in attendance for opening night. I spotted Desiree Rogers of Johnson Publishing, the legendary Herb Kent of V103 radio, Loni Swain of WGCI radio, LaToya Cross of N’Digo, and Art “Chat Daddy” Sims of WCIU-TV.

I have to say my expectations were very high after all the hype from the Broadway run. Going in, I didn’t know much about Fela (the man, music, or history). I’ve gone to a few Nigerian parties where his music played all night and we all danced like it was the end of the world. But I didn’t know his story or influence. As a lover of people and their biographies, I was excited to finally learn more about this dynamic figure and I loved every minute.

Awash in color and protest literature, the bi-level stage was transformed to Fela’s nightclub called The Shrine. The show opens in Fela Anikulapo-Kuti’s hometown of Lagos, Nigeria in the late 70’s. Fela is the hottest musician and galvanizing political activist in Africa. Every night, Fela is at The Shrine feeding the people his Afrobeat music and feeding their spirit with courage to rebel against Nigeria’s oppressive and corrupt government. No two nights are ever the same and on this night, we get to party with Fela himself!

The walls of The Shrine vibrate with the rhythms of Fela’s live band. Of course there are drums, horns, and vocals. But most importantly, there is BASS! You feel it. You see it as the dancers gyrate all over the place. Right, left, up, down. It’s a party and everyone in the audience is invited. Fela is a wonderful host. He makes us feel welcome. But just like he did all over the world, his goal is to educate us on the struggle of his people.

He takes us through his history. Fela was raised in a middle-class family in Nigeria. His mother sent him to London to study medicine, but he decided to study music (especially jazz) instead. He spent time in Ghana and that was when he first called his complex fusion of music Afrobeat. Eventually, Fela moved to the United States. While there, he discovered the disconnect between African-Americans and Africans. A woman named Sandra Smith, who was a member of the Black Panther Party, educated him on the black power movement, African-American literature, and human rights. Sandra had a great influence on him and was the catalyst for Fela combining political views and music together. (The real Sandra Smith was also in attendance for opening night and the cast honored her at the end of the performance.) Fela returned to Nigeria and inspired the people to overthrow dictatorship and European imperialism. He would pay dearly for his rebellion.

The music, the message, the acting, the dancing…Everything was fabulous. FELA! is an interactive, musical of the highest quality. Running in Chicago until Sunday, April 15th, you will be educated and entertained. Everybody say “Yeah Yeah.”

Click here for the Ticketmaster link

What is Endometriosis?

Endometriosis is a reproductive and immunological illness affecting nearly 176 million women and girls around the world.  Mistakenly stigmatized as merely painful periods, Endometriosis is far more than just “killer cramps”.  The far-reaching effects of this Endometriosis can negatively impact all of society. -http://www.endocenter.org/

Endometriosis is a painful, chronic disease that occurs when tissue like that which lines the uterus (tissue called the endometrium) is found outside the uterus.  This misplaced tissue develops into growths or lesions resulting in internal bleeding, breakdown of the blood and tissue from the lesions, and inflammation — and can cause pain, infertility, scar tissue formation, adhesions, and bowel problems. Suffering with endometriosis can be lonely—it seems like no one understands. THERE IS CURRENTLY NO CURE FOR ENDOMETRIOSIS.* -http://www.endometriosisassn.org/

There are TWO dates you can attend and support this event:

EVENING DATE: March 26, 2012 from 6pm-8pm
Think Royally Studios
1200 West 35th Street
4th Floor North Entrance through parking lot

DAY EVENT: March 31, 2012 10am- 12pm
Essential-E Therapeutic Massage
50 East Washington Street
Suite 503
Chicago, IL

What to expect:

1. Brief presentations and education on Endometriosis
2. Personal testimonials
3. Tasty refreshments
4. Raffle for free massages
5. Education, Enlightenment and Empowerment

What we need from you:

1. Register to attend the event and share it with your friends. http://fightingfiercely.eventbrite.com/
2. If you are attending this FREE event, wear something yellow and be bold!
3. Send us pics of you in your fiercest yellow outfit to show your support and for a chance to win a free 90-minute massage. Email your pictures to info@essentialetherapeutic.com or thinkroyally@gmail.com by March 20, 2012.
4. Provide a donation to help us raise funds for the Endometriosis Association.

SPEAKERS:

Victoria Knox, VJS Enterprises, Health/Fitness Coach

Endometirosis and R.A.W. (Really Awesome Way to Live)
Transform yourself from the inside out – spirit, soul and body! Victoria Knox will share the inspiring and informative story of how she transitioned into a healthier lifestyle, losing more than 40lbs & eliminating the need for medications. She will discuss how to listen to the body, use proper food combination and incorporating a R.A.W. diet in everyday living for Endometriosis patients!

NOTE: All donations will go to the Endometriosis Association to help find a cure.

Me: “What’s wrong girl?”
Her: “Somebody should blow up Facebook. You know it ruins relationships.”
Me: “No, it doesn’t. People ruin relationships. What did he do now?”

“He” is her guy and “He” is always doing something shady. He was doing something before he got a Facebook account. Now that they’re Facebook friends, he gets caught more often. She always has a new story about his Facebook infidelities. Since dumping him isn’t an option she’ll consider, I try my best to counsel and learn from their mistakes. For simplicity’s sake, let’s call him Mike and her Amy. Mike’s Facebook mishaps are sad and funny and I’ve compiled a list of the top 5 Tell-Tale Signs of a Facebook Affair.

1) RANDOM LIKES. In November, Amy noticed some woman she didn’t know repeatedly ‘liking’ all of Mike’s statuses and photos. I’m mean ALL of his statuses. I’m also friends with Mike on Facebook. He’s a cool guy, but he’s no Jimmy Fallon. His updates read more like grocery lists and take-out menus. So when some random chick constantly likes, LOL, LMAO, and ROFL’ing all of his dry “Just picked up some milk for the morning…Frosted Flakes baby” updates, Amy knew something was up.

2) RELATIONSHIP STATUS CHANGE. In December, Amy hit the roof because she noticed Mike had replaced his “in a relationship” status and was suddenly “single.” He said he didn’t want people knowing his business and technically he was single because they weren’t married. As a “compromise”, he deleted his status all together. Now he has no affiliation to either side. I’m not sure how that’s a compromise but I could see the troops starting to line up in battle formation.

3) UNTAGGED PHOTOS. In January, Amy retaliated by changing her profile to a picture of her and Mike kissing. Shots fired. Mike counter-maneuvered and untagged himself in the photo. It was officially a Facebook war.

4) EXCESSIVE POKING. In February, Amy was using Mike’s computer and “accidently” opened his Facebook account. Let’s just say, he likes to poke…he likes it A LOT!

5) UNFRIENDING. And finally, today, he said he was tired of arguing about Facebook so he un-friended her. BAM…take that.

Yeah, he won that battle, but by the look on Amy’s face…I hope he’s prepared for the wrath of a long, cold war.